I live in a house full of computer geeks (of which I will admit, I am one) so it was no surprise to me when my son Josh, who is in the same house and only two doors away, asked me a question early on Mother’s Day morning via an instant message instead of walking the fifty feet or so from his bedroom door to mine to ask it in person. The question he asked however was a complete surprise: “my Other Mother wants to know if I can come over and spend some time with her today too, can I?”
Dozens of thoughts and feelings flitted through my mind as I stared at his question. When had he and Emma gotten so serious that he’d started to think of her mother as his “Other Mother?” And how could he even think of spending time with someone other than me today? What did I do wrong? How could he do this to me? How could he ask such a thing? How could he even consider it?
Before I could sort out my emotions and formulate a rational answer to his question, he sent me another message: “When I took her card and flowers to her this morning she asked if I could spend some time with them later today.” Ugh…two arrows straight to my heart. Josh had gone out early this morning to buy my flowers and he’d bought her flowers at the same time but she’d gotten hers first. It made logistical sense that he would drop her flowers off to her before returning home to deliver mine to me but my heart wasn’t having any of that; it was determined to feel slighted, as if this meant that I came in second place to his “Other Mother”.
Why was I feeling like this? Why was I feeling so hurt and so jealous? I never wanted to be one of those Mother’s who felt threatened when her children started dating and eventually married so why was I doing that now? What happened to all of my talk about the heart being an ever expanding muscle that grew in order to accommodate new love so that old loves didn’t lose anything in trade? I’ll tell you what happened to it, I threw it out the window! Spouses I’d planned for but Other Mother’s had never crossed my mind.
As it turns out, I’m not nearly the gracious mother that I’d always thought myself to be. It was easy to share my sons with their girlfriends because the love that they have for them is completely different from the love that they have for me. The two loves don’t compete with each other nor can one replace the other. It’s easy to share when you don’t have anything to lose. With an Other Mother on the other hand, I felt that I had a lot to lose; this was a love that could replace me! In an instant my grace and maturity was gone, replaced by a sad, pouting child. I wallowed in my misery for much of the morning before my head finally started helping my heart get back on the right track.
Could an Other Mother really replace me in Josh’s heart? Of course not! His Other Mother is a beautiful woman; she’s sweet and cheerful too but she’ll never replace me in Josh’s heart because I’m his MOM! Yes, I’ll have to share my Mother’s Day time with his Other Mother but when you think about it, that’s the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever have! Why would Josh’s Other Mother want to spend time with him on Mother’s Day? Because he’s LOVEABLE! I have raised a son who cherishes and adores the women in his life and they naturally want to bask in his attention. If I have to share him, it’s because I did a good job in raising him!
Despite how it began, this Mother’s Day turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever had and considering the fact that there are still six children still to find Other Mother’s of their own, I’d say that I have many more wonderful Mother’s Day’s ahead of me.
Dozens of thoughts and feelings flitted through my mind as I stared at his question. When had he and Emma gotten so serious that he’d started to think of her mother as his “Other Mother?” And how could he even think of spending time with someone other than me today? What did I do wrong? How could he do this to me? How could he ask such a thing? How could he even consider it?
Before I could sort out my emotions and formulate a rational answer to his question, he sent me another message: “When I took her card and flowers to her this morning she asked if I could spend some time with them later today.” Ugh…two arrows straight to my heart. Josh had gone out early this morning to buy my flowers and he’d bought her flowers at the same time but she’d gotten hers first. It made logistical sense that he would drop her flowers off to her before returning home to deliver mine to me but my heart wasn’t having any of that; it was determined to feel slighted, as if this meant that I came in second place to his “Other Mother”.
Why was I feeling like this? Why was I feeling so hurt and so jealous? I never wanted to be one of those Mother’s who felt threatened when her children started dating and eventually married so why was I doing that now? What happened to all of my talk about the heart being an ever expanding muscle that grew in order to accommodate new love so that old loves didn’t lose anything in trade? I’ll tell you what happened to it, I threw it out the window! Spouses I’d planned for but Other Mother’s had never crossed my mind.
As it turns out, I’m not nearly the gracious mother that I’d always thought myself to be. It was easy to share my sons with their girlfriends because the love that they have for them is completely different from the love that they have for me. The two loves don’t compete with each other nor can one replace the other. It’s easy to share when you don’t have anything to lose. With an Other Mother on the other hand, I felt that I had a lot to lose; this was a love that could replace me! In an instant my grace and maturity was gone, replaced by a sad, pouting child. I wallowed in my misery for much of the morning before my head finally started helping my heart get back on the right track.
Could an Other Mother really replace me in Josh’s heart? Of course not! His Other Mother is a beautiful woman; she’s sweet and cheerful too but she’ll never replace me in Josh’s heart because I’m his MOM! Yes, I’ll have to share my Mother’s Day time with his Other Mother but when you think about it, that’s the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever have! Why would Josh’s Other Mother want to spend time with him on Mother’s Day? Because he’s LOVEABLE! I have raised a son who cherishes and adores the women in his life and they naturally want to bask in his attention. If I have to share him, it’s because I did a good job in raising him!
Despite how it began, this Mother’s Day turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever had and considering the fact that there are still six children still to find Other Mother’s of their own, I’d say that I have many more wonderful Mother’s Day’s ahead of me.
Congradulations on seeing the "silver lining." You are right at understanding that you have raised a wonderful and caring child, you would never want him to be less!! It's amazing how much growing we continue to do, even though we thought we were "all growed up!" :o)
ReplyDeleteLinda S.