Lessons for Young People

Although I am 20+ years out of my teens, my memory of those years is still crystal clear. There's a myth among young people that older people, and parents in particular, no longer remember what it's like to be a teen but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Ask any parent about their most vivid memories and you'll invariably hear a lot about the joys and sorrows of their teen years.

So why do young people often feel as if their parents don't understand what they're going through? Because parents have had the benefit of many more years of life experience. The wisdom you gain and the lessons you learn as you move through life put things into a new perspective and the advice that you give and the lessons you try to teach your children are filtered through that gained perspective.

For instance:

• We remember the soul searing pain of lost love - but we know now that tomorrow always comes and as you stack tomorrows on top of one another, slowly the pain fades, life moves on and new loves come our way.
• We remember the all consuming stress of high school - but we know now that nothing compares to the stress of being financially responsible for other human beings and we long for the days when all we had to worry about was passing grades, avoiding bullies, and keeping our wardrobe up to date.
• We remember the frustration of 'others' (parents, teachers, etc) controlling every aspect of our lives - but we know now that those were the freest days of our lives because once we left our parents' homes, we gained new and much less gracious masters like employers, landlords, banks, spouses/significant others and law enforcement officers.

IMPORTANT LIFE TRUTH:

Despite what popular culture and romance novels teach, LOVE is a decision that you make and you are in complete control of who you fall in love with. Attraction and infatuation may be out of your control but love is not. Don't believe me? Take a close look at an unhealthy relationship that someone you know and love is in and you'll see evidence of them talking themselves into loving that person over and over again. You try to talk them out of it, they keep talking themselves into it.

Love is a decision.

• If you are happy, it's because you decided to be happy.
• If you are unhappy, it's because you decided to be unhappy.
• If you are angry, it's because you decided to be angry.
• If you are bitter, it's because you decided to be bitter.
• If you are content, it's because you decided to be content.

Emotions and states of being don't just come along and attach themselves to us - WE adopt them and make them our own. Don't believe me? Go do some mission work in third world countries where the people you're serving literally have NOTHING. No electricity, no running water, no shoes, no grocery stores on the corner to buy food from and no modern conveniences. From our privileged, pampered perspectives, if anyone has reason to be unhappy, it would be these people and yet what you'll find is quite the opposite. Yes their lives are hard and yes they suffer but somehow, in the midst of what we see as unlivable conditions, people find happiness, joy, love and satisfaction. They DECIDE to be happy.

You can't control what happens to you (car accident, illness, victim of crime), you can't control what other people do to you (let you down, break your heart, lie about you) and you can't always control your circumstances (rich, poor, employed, unemployed, homeless) but you can control how you deal with what life throws your way. You can learn and grow from these experiences or you can sink and wallow - it's ALL UP TO YOU.

If you can learn these things now, you'll be way ahead of the game. I know adults who have ripped their lives and their families to shreds because they have never learned that happiness is a decision and that you control who you love. One man left his wife and two children because he 'wasn't happy'. When questioned about why he wasn't happy, his response was "we always have to spend the holidays with her family - never with mine". WOW...really? How about you grow a pair and say to your wife "Honey, we're spending Christmas with my family this year"? Clearly, he was working hard to find reasons to be unhappy. Too bad he didn't work just as hard to find reasons to be happy.

Here's what really happened to that man: he found himself attracted to a pretty woman at work and she found herself attracted to him. They flirted with one another which fanned the flames of their attraction instead of smothering them. They put the commitments they'd made to their spouses and children out of their minds and pursued their own selfish desires instead. As they nursed their attraction into infatuation, they started the process of falling out of love with their spouses so that they could clear the way for a new romance. It was heartbreaking to watch and everyone on the outside could see it, but the two selfish people at the heart of the situation refused to hear the truth and justified their behavior by saying "I can't help who I love". That's a lie...I just watched you do it.

Your life really is what you make it. People don't make you happy or unhappy, you do. People don't make you angry and bitter, you do.

It's all up to you.