So easy a child could do it...yeah, RIGHT!

So I decided that as an official blogger, I needed to have my own domain and a WordPress site. I've been with Blogger since I started but I've heard so much about the versatility and user friendliness of WordPress that I felt compelled to give it a try. If you thought that surfing the internet was a time consumer on par with a black hole, you've clearly never tried to set up a WP blog! Plugins and Tools and Settings, OH MY!

Okay, okay. So it's not brain surgery or biochemical research. Then again, it's not exactly elementary either. I knew I was in trouble when a majority of the plugins were written to address the professional blog-builders who have to 'deal with the expectations of blog owners'. When I had to go to Google Translate to convert from Latin and Greek to English, I felt as if the effort was doomed.

But...I press on, no WordPress pun intended, and am determined to one day make it into the WordPress world of blogging. Some day.

If you're interested in how the effort is going so far, and after swearing not to giggle when you see it, you can click here to see the work in progress.

Hey...I said NO giggling...

Lessons for Young People

Although I am 20+ years out of my teens, my memory of those years is still crystal clear. There's a myth among young people that older people, and parents in particular, no longer remember what it's like to be a teen but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Ask any parent about their most vivid memories and you'll invariably hear a lot about the joys and sorrows of their teen years.

So why do young people often feel as if their parents don't understand what they're going through? Because parents have had the benefit of many more years of life experience. The wisdom you gain and the lessons you learn as you move through life put things into a new perspective and the advice that you give and the lessons you try to teach your children are filtered through that gained perspective.

For instance:

• We remember the soul searing pain of lost love - but we know now that tomorrow always comes and as you stack tomorrows on top of one another, slowly the pain fades, life moves on and new loves come our way.
• We remember the all consuming stress of high school - but we know now that nothing compares to the stress of being financially responsible for other human beings and we long for the days when all we had to worry about was passing grades, avoiding bullies, and keeping our wardrobe up to date.
• We remember the frustration of 'others' (parents, teachers, etc) controlling every aspect of our lives - but we know now that those were the freest days of our lives because once we left our parents' homes, we gained new and much less gracious masters like employers, landlords, banks, spouses/significant others and law enforcement officers.

IMPORTANT LIFE TRUTH:

Despite what popular culture and romance novels teach, LOVE is a decision that you make and you are in complete control of who you fall in love with. Attraction and infatuation may be out of your control but love is not. Don't believe me? Take a close look at an unhealthy relationship that someone you know and love is in and you'll see evidence of them talking themselves into loving that person over and over again. You try to talk them out of it, they keep talking themselves into it.

Love is a decision.

• If you are happy, it's because you decided to be happy.
• If you are unhappy, it's because you decided to be unhappy.
• If you are angry, it's because you decided to be angry.
• If you are bitter, it's because you decided to be bitter.
• If you are content, it's because you decided to be content.

Emotions and states of being don't just come along and attach themselves to us - WE adopt them and make them our own. Don't believe me? Go do some mission work in third world countries where the people you're serving literally have NOTHING. No electricity, no running water, no shoes, no grocery stores on the corner to buy food from and no modern conveniences. From our privileged, pampered perspectives, if anyone has reason to be unhappy, it would be these people and yet what you'll find is quite the opposite. Yes their lives are hard and yes they suffer but somehow, in the midst of what we see as unlivable conditions, people find happiness, joy, love and satisfaction. They DECIDE to be happy.

You can't control what happens to you (car accident, illness, victim of crime), you can't control what other people do to you (let you down, break your heart, lie about you) and you can't always control your circumstances (rich, poor, employed, unemployed, homeless) but you can control how you deal with what life throws your way. You can learn and grow from these experiences or you can sink and wallow - it's ALL UP TO YOU.

If you can learn these things now, you'll be way ahead of the game. I know adults who have ripped their lives and their families to shreds because they have never learned that happiness is a decision and that you control who you love. One man left his wife and two children because he 'wasn't happy'. When questioned about why he wasn't happy, his response was "we always have to spend the holidays with her family - never with mine". WOW...really? How about you grow a pair and say to your wife "Honey, we're spending Christmas with my family this year"? Clearly, he was working hard to find reasons to be unhappy. Too bad he didn't work just as hard to find reasons to be happy.

Here's what really happened to that man: he found himself attracted to a pretty woman at work and she found herself attracted to him. They flirted with one another which fanned the flames of their attraction instead of smothering them. They put the commitments they'd made to their spouses and children out of their minds and pursued their own selfish desires instead. As they nursed their attraction into infatuation, they started the process of falling out of love with their spouses so that they could clear the way for a new romance. It was heartbreaking to watch and everyone on the outside could see it, but the two selfish people at the heart of the situation refused to hear the truth and justified their behavior by saying "I can't help who I love". That's a lie...I just watched you do it.

Your life really is what you make it. People don't make you happy or unhappy, you do. People don't make you angry and bitter, you do.

It's all up to you.

We Must Never Forget

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

George Santayana, 1905

The truth of Santayana's words were brought sharply into focus for me when I read the following two paragraphs located at the beginning of the excellent book "The Road from Home" by David Kherdian:

September 16, 1916 - To the Government of Aleppo.

It was at first communicated to you that the government, by order of the Jemiet, had decided to destroy completely all the Armenians living in Turkey...An end must be put to their existence, however criminal the measures taken may be, and no regard must be paid to either age or sex nor to conscientious scruples.

Minister of the Interior TALAAT PASHA

August 22, 1939 - I have given orders to my Death Units to exterminate without mercy or pity men, women and children belonging to the Polish-speaking race. It is only in this manner that we can acquire the vital territory which we need. After all, who remembers today the extermination of the Armenians?

ADOLF HITLER

The chilling brutality so casually mentioned in those two paragraphs is shocking in and of itself, but Hitler's reliance on the selective human memory to excuse his genocidal order is truly frightening because he was so very right. After all, do you remember the extermination of the Armenians?

It's not enough to simply remember the mistakes of the past. We must also teach them to our children in a way that accurately portrays the true scope of the horror, suffering and loss that they caused so that future generations aren't condemned to repeat the genocidal atrocities that Hitler repeated and that some fanatical groups would just as eagerly carry out today. We must not be persuaded to let evil acts like the slaughter of the Armenians, the Holocaust, Hiroshima, Nagasaki and the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 fade out of memory by people who suggest that the kindest thing that we can do for the survivors is keep all reminders of the tragedy out of the public eye or by those who prefer to rationalize or justify these events or by those who believe that the only productive way to move forward is to leave the past behind without reference to it ever again.

If ever we needed an incentive to be faithful teachers of history, surely Adolf Hitler gave it to us on August 22, 1939.

Consider the Legacy your Stories Weave

My Father was a great story teller. He could tell the same story over and over again and because he was so funny, we never got tired listening. In fact, at family gatherings my sister and I would often beg him to tell this story or that one even though we'd heard it a hundred times before. My Mother was a much needed part of the audience because although my Father had a great memory for what happened, he was less clear when it came to when it happened. He dated most of his stories by saying that they happened just "the other day" and my Mother would have to clarify with "the other day in 1972". They were a great team.

Recently we had precious family in from out of town and we eventually found ourselves sitting around the dinner table, telling stories as my Father had once done, but it was not the happy time that it should have been. I sat and listened as people recounted tales of my childhood misdeeds that had been passed down to them. Stories about my colossal laziness, my cheating at board games, and all of the rotten things I had done as a child. At first I was a good sport and laughed along with them, admitting that I was indeed a bad sport and detailing my cheating strategies for "Battleship" but after about fifteen minutes of "and my Mom said you were so lazy that...", I began to wither under the negativity and I eventually excused myself and went upstairs to my room where I cried for half an hour. It was then that I realized why my Father's stories had been so precious. He remembered the very best things about his loved ones and it was only those things that he passed on to the next generation.

I learned a valuable lesson from that experience and although I've always tended toward my Father's style of positive story telling, that day with my family where I was the butt of many a joke made me decide that I would never tell a story that would make any of the people in it feel the way that I had or that earns its laughter at the expense of its characters. The tales that I pass down should lead my listeners to love the people in them as much as I do, to appreciate them for the funny things that they said or did, not to laugh at them because of their all too human failings, especially as children.

Before you tell a story, ask yourself this question; if I were the title character, would I want this story retold?

Altogether Different

As I was writing for my other blog today I used "all together" in a sentence and wondered if I should have used "alltogether" instead or if I was making up a new word. I entered the word into my favorite online dictionary and learned that although I had spelled it incorrectly, "altogether" is in fact a word and it does not mean the same thing as "all together". If you too were in the dark, let me enlighten you:

al·to·geth·er

adv.

1. Entirely; completely; utterly: lost the TV picture altogether; an altogether new approach.

2. With all included or counted; all told: There were altogether 20 people at the dinner.

3. On the whole; with everything considered: Altogether, I'm sorry it happened.

n.

A state of nudity. Often used with the: in the altogether.

---

[Middle English al togeder : al, all; see all + togeder, together; see together.]

Usage Note: Altogether and all together do not mean the same thing. We use all together to indicate that the members of a group perform or undergo an action collectively: The nations stood all together. The prisoners were herded all together. All together is used only in sentences that can be rephrased so that all and together may be separated by other words: The books lay all together in a heap. All the books lay together in a heap.

How cool is that? I feel smarter already, don't you?

The Other Mother

I live in a house full of computer geeks (of which I will admit, I am one) so it was no surprise to me when my son Josh, who is in the same house and only two doors away, asked me a question early on Mother’s Day morning via an instant message instead of walking the fifty feet or so from his bedroom door to mine to ask it in person. The question he asked however was a complete surprise: “my Other Mother wants to know if I can come over and spend some time with her today too, can I?”

Dozens of thoughts and feelings flitted through my mind as I stared at his question. When had he and Emma gotten so serious that he’d started to think of her mother as his “Other Mother?” And how could he even think of spending time with someone other than me today? What did I do wrong? How could he do this to me? How could he ask such a thing? How could he even consider it?

Before I could sort out my emotions and formulate a rational answer to his question, he sent me another message: “When I took her card and flowers to her this morning she asked if I could spend some time with them later today.” Ugh…two arrows straight to my heart. Josh had gone out early this morning to buy my flowers and he’d bought her flowers at the same time but she’d gotten hers first. It made logistical sense that he would drop her flowers off to her before returning home to deliver mine to me but my heart wasn’t having any of that; it was determined to feel slighted, as if this meant that I came in second place to his “Other Mother”.

Why was I feeling like this? Why was I feeling so hurt and so jealous? I never wanted to be one of those Mother’s who felt threatened when her children started dating and eventually married so why was I doing that now? What happened to all of my talk about the heart being an ever expanding muscle that grew in order to accommodate new love so that old loves didn’t lose anything in trade? I’ll tell you what happened to it, I threw it out the window! Spouses I’d planned for but Other Mother’s had never crossed my mind.

As it turns out, I’m not nearly the gracious mother that I’d always thought myself to be. It was easy to share my sons with their girlfriends because the love that they have for them is completely different from the love that they have for me. The two loves don’t compete with each other nor can one replace the other. It’s easy to share when you don’t have anything to lose. With an Other Mother on the other hand, I felt that I had a lot to lose; this was a love that could replace me! In an instant my grace and maturity was gone, replaced by a sad, pouting child. I wallowed in my misery for much of the morning before my head finally started helping my heart get back on the right track.

Could an Other Mother really replace me in Josh’s heart? Of course not! His Other Mother is a beautiful woman; she’s sweet and cheerful too but she’ll never replace me in Josh’s heart because I’m his MOM! Yes, I’ll have to share my Mother’s Day time with his Other Mother but when you think about it, that’s the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever have! Why would Josh’s Other Mother want to spend time with him on Mother’s Day? Because he’s LOVEABLE! I have raised a son who cherishes and adores the women in his life and they naturally want to bask in his attention. If I have to share him, it’s because I did a good job in raising him!

Despite how it began, this Mother’s Day turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever had and considering the fact that there are still six children still to find Other Mother’s of their own, I’d say that I have many more wonderful Mother’s Day’s ahead of me.

The Abc's of Bcc's

Email is an incredibly convenient, easy way to keep in touch and communicate almost instantly with every important, and not so important, person in your life. I'm always excited when someone near and dear to me takes the plunge and gets connected with email but my excitment is tempered a little bit by the knowledge of what's coming - FORWARDS! It's a sure bet that your new emailing friend is going to send you:

• at least one DIRE warning about the harbinger of computer death lurking in the seemingly harmless email that's probably sitting in your Inbox at this very minute just waiting for you to click on it so take their word for it - whatever you do, DO NOT OPEN THAT EMAIL!
• one three-hanky sob story that you've read at least a dozen times in the last five years
• at least two "pass this on to at least 12 friends in the next 10 minutes" chain emails
• one or more surveys about thier life that they want for you to fill out, return AND pass on to 10 friends
• and finally, the amazing money making opportunity that Bill Gates (I swear it's true, I saw it on Good Morning America!) and America Online are offering email users if only they'll forward this email to everyone in their address book

Awww...the joys of shiny new toys!
I think it's kind of sweet and a little endearing to get those initial emails because it reminds me of how excited I was when I first started surfing the web. Because I've been there, I'm sympathetic to a large degree. However, one thing that makes me absolutely crazy, and downright angry if they don't learn from their mistakes, is when I get these kinds of emails with my address, along with the addresses of every contact that they have every known in their lives, pasted into the To: line of a mass email.
Be a good Netizen and teach your new email recruits how to use this new tool responsibly by introducing them to the Bcc (Blind Carbon Copy) function of their email program.
Why use the Bcc? Have you ever wondered why it is that people take the time to make some of the ridiculous emails that people never get tired of forwarding? It's simple really - it's a great way to harvest email addresses that you can then use for Spamming purposes.

The number one reason to use Bcc: it protects the email addresses of the ones you love from ruthless spammers

Another reason to learn how to use the Bcc is to protect yourself from malicious replies! Let's say that you're a faithful voter who just adores the current candidate running for office and in your excitement you email everyone you know with a plea to make sure that they get out to vote for YOUR GUY. Unfortunately, to some of your contacts, your guy is the worst candidate for office since Rod Blagojevich and to teach you a lesson, one of them decides to hit "Reply To All" and tells everyone that you're a complete idiot for putting your faith in such a worthless candidate. HOW EMBARRASSING!

The number two reason to use the Bcc: to protect yourself from embarrassing replies to everyone you know!

So, if you're new to email, take the time to learn how to use your email program before you start sending out mass emails. Who knows, the email address you save, may be your own!